Last year today was a really special day that I’m forever grateful of. Last year today, I found out that I was pregnant with baby Daisie. Let’s throwback to what happened and how it happened.
On Thursday, 21st of April 2016 the evening, my colleagues and I were supposed to have a game of basketball. At that time I was feeling pukey and always drowsy, and I totally thought that it was caused by the diet I was on (I was on a period of substituting my meals with protein shakes and was doing lots of sports). One of the sports’ couch found out that it wasn’t right that I am feeling this pukey so she didn’t allow me to play and asked me to go and check whether I’m pregnant or not. But I (as usual) wasn’t intrigued, didn’t want to be too bothered because my period was always irregular. Just to clear my mind of things and be sure, I went to a drugstore that night to get a pregnancy test kit, and I peed on it.
Peed on it, the first line was bright and the second line was super duper fade. And being the un-intrigued me, I threw the stick in the garbage bin and I thought that the fade line doesn’t mean a thing. Texted my sister and she said CONGRATULATIONS YOU’RE PREGNANT! Wow I was so surprised, I didn’t expect being pregnant, and just to be sure again, the following day I went to the doctor for a scan. Indeed, I was pregnant. In the sonogram, we could see the sac.
Indeed it was a good news, so I broke it to my husband who was staying in Lumut for about 2 weeks. Our feelings were quite undescribable at that moment as we didn’t know what to feel. But of course a while on, we were so happy and grateful that this happened, and then the amazing pregnancy experience that both of us have lived for nearly ten months! And, at that moment I’ve already knew that Daisie would be the name for our baby if she was a girl and indeed she is. ❤️
Baby Daisie, if you happen to read this, please always remember that at this moment of mommy’s life, I’ve never been happier, to know that you’re about the arrive in our lives. When you came, it was at the perfect time for daddy and mommy because we were not that happy and ever since we learnt about you, we couldn’t be more grateful although there are a few hiccups here and there in our relationship. Alhamdulillah, may Allah always bless us with this feeling of happiness and blissfulness, today was the throwback day that I knew I need to note it down so that you’ll be able to read it some day when you’re older. Daddy and mommy have loved you so much even when you were in the tiny sac in the scan above. ❤️
Today is just a very stressful day. And when I’m stressed out, I tend to think a lot, reminisce to the past especially when I am not doing anything (thus this post). My master’s degree, the fact that I should be working but I’m not, house work or chores, finance and baby Daisie’s well being : these are the things that have been taking it’s toll on me. I’m not rambling at how hard I need to do all that but I sometimes just want to be understood and be told “hey, it’s ok… take a little time off having dessert… don’t stress yourself out because you’re wonderful… you’ve done a great job…“.
So what’s the utmost issue that stresses me out today : not being able to sit for my exams in the embassy but to pay an hourly fee to a language centre that costs a lot and having to be away from baby Daisie for a few hours. I mean… who’s going to take care of her during my absence? Sigh.
Totally different topic here :
I’ve been thinking and I’ve always tried to console myself asking myself not to think et cetera. But I feel like to some people, I worth nothing to them and I will always be a person who is not as respected as I should be. I realize that I’m not as good as a good Muslim should be, but everyday is really trying to me. But it probably is my fault as people judge according to what they see. Sometimes I feel like time’s eating and I miss whatever that happens in the past. I know I have Daisie now and I should be a role model but it would be so taxing to always have to be a role model. I just want to be happier, and I want Daisie to be happy too. The reality is, I don’t see how and I’m struggling.
I count my blessing everyday and as much as I love it, something isn’t right and nothing happy is happening around. I’m tired, and I just want to lay myself down beside Daisie in a comfortable place with fresh air and nice stuffs around.
Baby Daisie is turning 4 months in 7 days! Oh my gosh, time really flies when you’re having fun. Fun? Yah fun. I’m definitely having fun taking care my little one being a stay-at-home mother and a full time housewife. Well this might sound sarcastic but I promise you, it’s not. I really love and enjoy my time spent with my dear Daisie despite her being cranky but that happens really rarely. I love how it’s so easy, me, being her mother and how much she finds comfort with me.
Time has passed by too fast that it amazes me how I’ve not managed to see Daisie’s growth pace. She has grown so fast in size and in maturity. Being a stay-at-home mother really enables me to watch over her 24/7 and I’m really making sure that she turns out well. Indeed she turned out well and I’m thankful for that Alhamdulillah.
Saying this, it also amazes and at the same time saddens me to think and see how my parents have aged, this I thought a while ago when I see my mother’s face starting to be wrinklish. She never had that before this. And us, as daughters who had to follow where our husbands are, only get to see them maybe once in 2 months, when we used to see them everyday during our younger days. So I guess when Daisie turns 25, she would think that way too.
Anywho, I can’t wait to be spending time with my sisters and nieces soon in KL. It’s been long and I miss them!